Ricardo Reyna Jr.

There is no other satisfaction that finishing a God damned essay that has been eating at me the past month. It got to the point that I was just adding stuff and lost direction. I came to the conclusion that I need to just end it. Cut the head off. Put it out of its misery. So it is 34 pages of pure vomit. Well, vomit because that is what a first draft is. I’m going to go over it, clean it up and send it to someone to read it. That person is already expecting it so hopefully I can send it the latest on Monday. It’s a hot mess. Hopefully I’ll put some distance away from it for a month or two. I’ll come back to it in July. The essay, was on Latinas/os in science fiction, particularly focusing in on Battlestar Galactica.

In the middle of all of that, I am behind in rehearsals for the performance. That and I might have a gig coming up that will take most of my time. We’ll see, but I’m going to have to really concentrate or let go of that performance. I don’t like breaking commitments. It’s not good business. But being in debt and having problems ‘bridging the gap’ does justify in breaking a commitment with that performance.

Anyway, I still have the ones planned for the Fall. That should make up for it. Moreover, I’m giving whatever is made at the box office to the kids. That should make up for any misgivings if I can’t perform in June.

The essay took longer to be honest. I thought I would get through in March and start rehearsing in April. But I guess, things happen and throw you off your course. And things did happen in March that really threw me off kilter.

I’m trying to get into the mood of reading the monologue; I have Chente right now on my iPod, well, it is not working.

For some reason, this semester was too long. Glad it is over. Changes that came up in my life that changed several things. Again, the projects I have been concentrating on has taken my focus on this blog. I’m trying to keep it up and realize, one day, this thing will be important. So in the meantime while I work on other projects, I’ll try and focus on this again. It has to be good for something.

Not giving a single crap about the game tomorrow. I’m more excited about today’s match, tomorrow’s Man U vs. Chelsea (I don’t like either one, but I loathe Man U. so I want them to loose). And of course, the game on Wednesday.

I believe I have changed…

I look at the browser, the new one I put in. I decided to switch from Firefox to Chrome today. For some reason, I was getting very frustrated with Firefox. Then I noticed something I have been neglecting for a while. Up on the bookmark bar was the icon of my blog. “Well, I totally forgot about you,” I said.

I feel now, as I told my good friend Miguel at lunch one time, that I really have no time for this. It’s either the new essay, reading or writing in here. Where would I like to put most of my energy? Of course, my writing that will, generally get me somewhere.

So, I thought, let me visit here and write some type of shit that has been on in my life, not that there has been. I can say, that I have began something that has in a way, changed my lifestyle.  I began a sort of self-imposed diet. I have changed my eating habits. I began what I will call, my “No PCT Diet (No Pan, Cerveza y Tortillas).  In English, it would be my “No BBT” Diet (No Beer, Bread and Tortillas). The word Carne de res, or beef should be in there because I stopped eating beef too. I am not eliminating carne because well, I enjoy a good slab of beef; a steak or carne asada, sizzling on the parrilla once in a while. Additionally, any soda, or canned soft drinks are off. That’s out of the picture too. All water, coffee or tea for me.

It’s been over a month. I’ve lost six pounds. I want to loose more. My barriga, my pansa, my barrel of a stomach, I feel is slowly diminishing.  It’s really inspiring. But I think it’s the cardio I have been doing at the gym that is helping out too. I’ve stopped lifting weights and just done the bike and that stair machine whose name I forgot.

I did have some red meat at my little niece’s birthday party. I had some tortillas and carne asada. I didn’t get me sick, but I really felt it.  It felt in my stomach like a brick. But all was okay. I plan to have some red meat in my birthday. Maybe I’ll overdose on In and Out. But for now, I’m committed in shedding more fat from  my fat ass.

I had lunch with a good friend of mine a week ago. We talked and was asked by her to make a theatrical performance in June for the LYLC (Latina/o Youth Leadership Conference). I think, it was a set up by her… Drug me with sushi and I think I will sign any contract. After quickly thinking about it, I could never say no to her… now I’m locked in.

In reality, I have been working on a piece for the past month. And am quickly shaping it up. So besides, the other stuff I’m doing, I got this on my shoulders now. I’m thinking of calling it “The Compadre Manifesto”. I’ll write more later here about it.  All right. I need to write something else other than writing in here.

There are a lot of things I want to do here. Though the time does not let me. I have been contemplating about this blog but I think it might help me later on in the long run. So, for now, I will continue to keep it.

I was asked what I was working on, and to be honest. I just said, “On stuff.”

I didn’t want to give my fire out. Maybe one day, I’ll look back at this period, even though I am in a financial rout, it is a period I am working on stuff that will hopefully help me later. It is actually fun, to have the time to write and do something that hopefully, many people will actually take the time to either buy or download illegally to read. There is another thing I have been wanting to do for a while and I began to lay the bricks of foundation for it. Though I don’t want write anything about it here yet.

Other than that for the first time this season I am feeling sick. I think the flu has gotten me. The flu shot I took in October has finally failed. It has kept me going till now. Though I am not that bad, only a little congested, I bought for the first time this year, some Nyquil and Dayquil.

I think my little niece got me sick. She was sick and stayed some days during the week. Little Kira Maria likes to be at my desk; we watch videos of Elmo and Super Why!; songs that, to be honest, have been already blazed into my memory. I can recite “Lickety Letters” in my sleep.

I’m waiting for the results from the universities I have applied to. I hope I’ll have some good news I’ve been looking for some type of menial job. Anything will do I guess. But it has to be temporary though. I don’t know if I’ll be around later on in the year.

Another parking permit arrived in the mail yesterday. This one will last me all the way through the summer. I hope, this will be my last parking permit I every buy to park at UNLV. Not in a bad way, but it’s time I leave. It’s just time.

I have ignored this blog for an obvious reason. The past few months has been busy with sorting applications for PhD programs, re-writing drafts of essays, tracking down professors for recommendation letters, all in all, very busy.

Is this blog a bother, yes, it could be. It’s almost like a love and hate relationship.

There was this writer’s blog I bumped into. The author’s last post there was complaining how much blogging has taken energy away from writing her novel. She indicated she would not ‘blog’ for the foreseeable future. In other words, it became a pain in the culo.

How true it is…

But I will try and get to this more often. This holiday season is filled with preoccupations about finding another gig to “bridge the gap”,  thinking about what new essay to write and more of all find some time to write that damn novel I’ve been wanting to do. Anyway, I think I’ll take it day by day.

A friend of mine sent this to me the other day.

To any Anglo United Statesian it is just another street sign.  Informing whoever wants the name of a stretch of asphalt in town.  It sounds foreign. Just like a Piña Colada, Taco Bellgrande or Tacos al Carbon.

To any Mexican or Chicano in slang Spanish, it means a sexist connotation.

For the record, it is defined as a ‘coarse sugary substance found in Mexico’.  Hence the sexist connotation. My point being, the perception of the sign can signify a multitude of images. Someone Anglo might see it as just a name of a street or might be reminded, if he was educated, about that sugary substance in Mexico. A Spanish and English–bi-lingual mind, it can mean a multitude of other signifiers.

Is it a responsibility to know what language means? Yes, it makes the dominating culture less adherent to other ethnic cultures. It also makes them ignorant.

Furthermore, it is proof of how Anglo United Statesians take a word that sounds and feels exotic, for example, Casa de Fuego and brand it for the market. Here in Vegas and other places, there are housing developments or streets with such Spanish or non-mainstream names: Spanish Hills, Valle Verde, Linda Lloma, Alta; El Capitan, Rancho or Panocha.

Is it faux embodiment of Mexicaness and Latinoness? An experience in being a part–but not really–of the Other. Patrons can safely live in Rancho Lindo or Mesa Grande without actually being where the Other lives. It is interesting how Spanish names readily appear on newer housing developments; socially segregated from the rest of the population specifically built for a higher class.  Living in Panocha sounds almost like Seville… almost.

On a side note, I used to have an acquaintance that lived on this street. This was long ago when I was an undergraduate and president of a Latina/o club on campus. She was a Chicana, who was embarrassed to tell me her address.  When she did, she laughed and said those Gabachos are stupid. This was many years ago.  So I was shocked that the street was still there.

I always thought someday, some smart Latina/o working in the county might inform some higher-up what this name means in the Mexican culture.

I guess I was wrong.

I had lunch with a good friend today and we had  sushi. For some reason, I always feel lazy and not wanting to do anything afterward. Maybe it might have been the amount I ate since it’s all you can eat. The other time I didn’t have a lot and I still felt like falling asleep afterward. I have to figure out some balance or maybe just not plan to do anything next time I have sushi.

We were there a while, so I left a reasonable good tip. I remember one time a friend of mine who was a server would always add a little more in tip since we would take a significant amount of time at the table when we went to dinner or lunch.

“It pisses us off when people hog up tables and don’t leave a reasonable tip,”she told me one time.

Maybe they’ll remember me next time I am there. Anyway, I love that place and plan to go back some more. I wanted to write some more but I think this is sufficient for today.

PS3 here I come.

The Blue Moons Edmundo ordered tasted like shit.
“Why does this taste like shit?” I asked.
“Dude, it’s Edmundo’s Blue Moon. Just drink it foo’.”
“What did you put in them?” I asked.
Edmundo smirked, “Dude, don’t worry, just enjoy foo’.”

We just came from a viewing. Our good friend had recently passed away. It was Edmundo, Luis and I. sitting at a table at PT’s, the one close to the Vegas airport. As we were lamenting our late friend, the UNLV football game streamed on the monitors around us; UNLV was, as usual, getting their collective asses handed over to them.  I took another swig of the tainted brew.

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On Friday I finally took the GRE over again. My emotions after the test were superseded by death of a good friend of mine. He passed away while I was busy within the confines of the test center. The text with the news did not get to me until I was in my vehicle. Vexed with thoughts of how I could have improved the score a little more: I was pissed and perplexed. How a little more effort could of have and a little more might of have; these were the thoughts that fomented in my conscious after taking the five hour test.

I turned my Iphone as I got into my truck and immediately I got a series of texts from people. One was from a buddy of mine, Junior, asking me to call him afterward. One was a notification of a voice mail. The text with Paul’s passing was the last one.

I text Ivet back immediately. While driving away from the test center she text back with the information.  Gone were the vexing thoughts of GRE.

My good friend was around my age. I have known him since I first arrived here in Las Vegas. I knew his family. I remembered the times we all hung out after work, all the times we all shared a laugh or two. The dude was one of the funniest people I have known. Get him and his two brothers together and it was always a laugh riot.

Wanting more information or maybe the comfort of old friends, I drove to the Latin Chamber of Commerce where we had once worked together. We all shared a good laugh recounting old memories. Though still it was odd to mention he was gone.

Ivet called me while driving home. We talked about the passing though our focus was more about the problems we all face in our lives. We recounted our own problems to one another: her new job and the stress it placed on her life, me about getting into a PhD program. At the end we both agreed it was really not worth to stress about it. Being positive, healthy and alive is more worth the effort than having lounging around with hypertension or waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks.

“It’s not worth it,” said Ivet.

Yeah, it’s really not worth it.  I wholeheartedly have to agree with her.